Sinking, wasting.
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My face was serene. Clear, expressionless. A hard lump suddenly gets stuck in my throat. It gets hard to swallow. Tick, tock. My face heats up, chin to my temples. My lips start to get chapped. It gets a little difficult to breathe. I blink once. Twice. He smiles. But the smile wasn't for me. I try to take a deep breath, but my nostrils were clogged. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I watch my own reflection. Slowly, the curve of my lips started to droop. The white in my eyes turned pink, red. I feel a pool gather at the pockets of my eyes. I hold it in. I can't lose it. I can't lose it now. I can't let myself go. I tried clutching my palms in fists, I couldn't. I couldn't feel my fingers. I couldn't feel my toes. I couldn't feel myself. I breathed through my mouth, and felt cold air sliding down my throat. I start to feel dry inside and out. Then I quit. I stopped holding myself. Did it look like he didn't notice? Of course not. Of course he noticed. Then I lost it.
I cried.
I let the hot tears roll down my cold cheeks. I stared into me. Me, not in me. I stared at my own reflection. Stupid fool, you made this happen. Why are you crying over your own mistake. Mistake. It echoed in my mind. I cried. Harder by the minute. I watch my face turn red. I watched myself turn. Yet, I didn't stop myself. I let myself lose. I lost myself in the irony I built. I lost it. I lost it. I lost it. I told him to never forgive me. Never forgive me. What have I done?
I watched myself cry. I spared myself no mercy.
Yours truly.