But nobody believes it.
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PLACES I WANT TO GO TO AND WHY.
1. Paris, awesome food and shopping.
2. Italy, awesome food and shopping. (and beautiful historical buildings.)
3. London, awesome food and ride the double decker! (and awesome shopping.)
4. Istanbul, awesome food (maybe?) and beautiful culture. (and awesome belly dancers.)
5. Ireland, awesome music. (and awesome beer.)
6. Germany, awesome BEER and football(?)
7. Hawaii, awesome liquor and beach. (and hot chicks.)
8. Beverly Hills, awesome and shottilidrop-style shopping.
9. Greece, awesome culture and history.
10. Home, awesome bed and people to go back to after tiring days.
Why does this list exist? Because I want to do it all with you.
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I say and do things I always regret in the future. All the time. Like it's a daily routine, and a life lesson I'll never learn or remember. I make people feel insignificant, because I always put my needs above others. I never tried putting myself in another person's shoes. Because in my life, everything has been handed over to me. I never experienced rejection, pain, and disappointments unless self inflicted.
Honestly, I'm scared. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I'm scared of the pain I cause on everyone. I'm scared of the next mistake I make. I'm of the people I harm in a sarcastic joke I make. I'm scared that one day, there will be nobody left to tell me "Everything is going to be okay." Not that I don't trust them, or trust you, Jia Wei. I'm scared that you'll leave after everything I say because the truth is never pretty, and nobody likes anything ugly.
"I'm so scared that I'll lose you. I'm so
scared I won't matter as much to you.
I'm so scared we just won't be the same again.
I'm just so scared everything's gonna change."
No. I'm more afraid of what is to become of the change.
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Jia Wei,
I'm sorry, for all the times I let you down. I love all the times we spend making complete fools of each other, staying up til' late talking about the future, attempting to make silly faces look sexy, or even just talking with no expression. It already means so much that you'd listen, but I always make things hard by having endless complains about how "incredibly hard" life has been on me and don't listen to you. I push my luck by asking for more than I deserve. You're the best, and you always will be. And even though I don't show it, I do appreciate all the things you do for me, huge or tiny. It's the effort that counts, always. I love you for it, and for you. But everything is so hard, because of me. I love you, I pray you're saying you love me too.
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"I'm sorry I try and I always fail. It must've been
in the fail, that made you feel that I never tried
in the first place."
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I love you, Jia Wei.
Always and will try for Forever.
Yours truly.