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It is now 8 days into April, and I am a mess. A complete disaster, you would say. But I've been so tired to think and ponder and come up with some heart-stopping solution to be rid of my worries. Who knew that being almost seventeen was this tiring, tough and restless. So tonight, I'd like to rant, because I haven't been doing so in awhile. Or more like, a few months.
1. Friends
Okay, so not to say that my friends are useless or anything but, things just aren't looking so bright on this department. I don't hate them, I'm not insulting them either. It's just that at times, one gets so preoccupied sometimes that it makes, well me, uncomfortable. So I have friends/bitches that are giving me glares and sarcastic smiles which is obviously irritating me but then again, who am I to complain? Who am I to judge them and say, "I don't like those faces you keep giving me and I want you to change that." ? No one. I am no one to say such things. I may not like it, but I'm no one to voice out.
Another friend, is going through a hard time in life. I wouldn't pity her, because she's strong enough to stand on her own two feet instead on counting on everyone's sympathy. NO, SHE DOESN'T NEED SYMPATHY, SHE'S FAR BETTER THAN THAT. And that is true. But the thing is, whatever happened to her made a great impact. And what she really needs now is courage. To move on, to start over, to look at life at another perspective. Then again, I am not one to offer her such advice as I've never been in that sort of situation. But this vengeful side of her is getting out of hand until at times I find her pretty ridiculous. She's my friend, and I love her so much, but it pains me to see her this way almost everyday over a jerk. A douche and a complete waste of humanity.
I care for her, but I dare not hurt her feelings with my remark.
That's my truth, as much as it hurts me to say.
And to all those losers and lack of attention idiots who think spreading rumors and mocking others are cool, screw you. You hurt my friends and I'll hurt your face so bad that your parent won't recognize you. Yeah, I am that straightforward.
2. Best Friend
I miss my best friend. Her life has changed over these past few months, for the better of course. I'm not saying I feel left out or anything. I just feel so invincible to her these days. When she has a bad day, she goes to someone else. When she wants to hang out, I'm never one she finds. I know I sound clingy and all, maybe I am just so that I don't lose her as my best friend. At the same time, I can't help but think maybe she's treating me this way because I could've treated her so last year. I don't know, I really don't. But I feel so insignificant to her life right now, and as painful as it is to say, there's nothing I can do about it but fade away as much as I'd like to stay. There's just nothing right now, and this emptiness sucks.
3. Money
I am broke. I am so so screwed. I'm already so careful with my spendings and yet, I AM BROKE. HOW IS THIS SORCERY EVEN POSSIBLE. My mother pays whenever we go out on a mother-daughter dayout (I only pay for yoghurt, what.) and I have no money. THIS IS TORTURE, PURE TORTURE. I need to start freaking saving or I'm gonna cry my eyeballs out overnight.
Cheer supporter tees ; RM40
Asymmetrical dress ; RM35
Prom tees ; RM40
Crop tee ; RM30
Gotta burn that C&K's shoe voucher.
Mothafucka,
it sucks to be broke. take it from me.
4. Studies
Jalapenos, mid terms are in about a month and I haven't started ANYTHING. My brain cells are bawling at my accounts project which is bloody frustrating. Then I have a sivik project. Then I have my moral assignments. Then I have homework that I spend the whole afternoon snoozing away on a couch instead of doing. And then there's tuition, which I find super unproductive as long as friends are there. Why am I such a blabber mouth. Meh.
5. Leisure activities
Like, when was the last time I played bowling or visited an arcade. End of form 2, right. That's like over 2 YEARS HOLY SHIT. I haven't finished that wallet I'm hand sewing. I haven't took time off my daily schedule to read that undang book to take my undang. And until today, I haven't UPDATED MY iTUNES. Curse myself.
6. Co-curriculum
Enough said.
BUT, there's some things to be happy about. :D
1. One year anniversary is in 4 days. YIPPEEEDOODLEEEDOOOO.
2. Leather tights. After so long. :')
3. Happy stomach, almost everyday.
4. I'm losing weight. I think.
5. I'm updating my tumblr after ages. hahahaha.
6. Understanding add math. WHO KNEW I COULD DO THAT.
7. Planning to perform for prom. Fingers crossed I make it through auditions with the 3 monkeys. :)
8. Over 21k tweets. YAY
9. When people come to me for advice. :')
10. Jia Wei's birthday went great. All of it was for him to be happy.